Godfather Advice Notes – No.9

Impotence & Infertility

Do not confuse the two!

Impotence is fashionably referred to as ED (erectile dysfunction) and is described as “an inability to attain or sustain an erection adequate for satisfactory sexual intercourse.” In other words you can’t get it up!

But don’t worry, you may be able to sort it if you:

• are on medications for high blood pressure – I’d have high blood pressure if I couldn’t raise a smile!
• are on medicines for depression – well who wouldn’t be?!
• have partner conflict – i.e. you don’t like your bird – find another!
• smoke, use recreational drugs; marijuana, cocaine, heroin – desist!
• enjoy excessive alcohol – price worth paying…
• have an abnormality of your dick – are you hung like an elephant?

• Infertility, however, is a very effective form of both family and financial planning. You thought making babies was a stroll in the park? No, the physiological process is tricky and depends on,

• production of healthy sperm (that’s spunk to you) by you
• production of healthy eggs by the bird you are shagging
• fallopian tubes that allow the sperm to reach the egg (you what?!)
• the sperm's ability to fertilize the egg
• the ability of the fertilized egg to become implanted in the uterus – I think this is like one of those games you pull out of a cracker and you have to get all the ball bearings to nestle in the holes…
• adequate embryo quality

Sex is a messy business...