Godfather Advice Notes – No.4

Child Birth – Wetting the Baby’s Head

Fact. You have, for whatever reason, allowed yourself to be outmanoeuvred into a position where your once rampant social life is about to be brought to a grinding halt by the dropping of a baby. This is a serious life changing moment and a distressing time for you.

This event represents a last chance saloon for a major blow out party fest with your mates, sometimes referred to as “wetting the baby’s head”.

Detailed planning is the key to the success of this event. All mates should be notified to be on standby for the call; be prepared for a premature birth. Remain flexible at all times.

Attendance at the birth is not compulsory, but a fleeting appearance at the hospital post birth is advisable in the interests of maintaining good relations. Do not take flowers in case of allergic reaction. Leave the embarrassing doting and cooing to older relatives and female friends.

Encourage mother and child to stay in hospital for as long as possible; remember once they are home you are grounded for a number of years.

The partying should simply involve endless binge drinking. Do not invite girls; you are in enough trouble already! Do not embark on any serious sporting challenge such as a pool competition; you will not be able to perform at your best because of the trauma you are experiencing. Your father will be able to back this up; we all learn from our mistakes!