Godfather Advice Notes – No.3

Girls 3/423000

Pre Menstrual Tension (PMT) – (As submitted to the Lancet)

This is literally* a can of worms.

From puberty to middle age women make us suffer from PMT every month prior to what is called a period. Do not concern yourself with the biological detail. It is often referred to as The Curse; and it is. For a few days each month their behaviour becomes even more irrational than usual; flying off handles left, right and centre at anything. Then there is blood. This can also put an end to sexual activities for the more squeamish and is sometimes referred to as “the wrong time of the month” or “Liverpool are playing at home”.

Eventual relief comes in the form of the menopause (The Change), which is broadly equivalent, behaviourally, to an extremely long and bad tempered bout of PMT. Hot flushes are common. Once this is over, periods and PMT are, in theory, a thing of the past.

But here’s the really mad bit. Just think, after maybe 40 years of PMT each month; that’s 480 bouts, lasting a minimum of 5 days at a time, which means 2400 days of grief for us lads, just when there is light a the end of the tunnel, what do you think the girls do then?

You’ve guessed it; they start on a course of hormone treatment to trick their bodies into carrying on having more periods! Bloody women!

*Please excuse the irresistible misuse of “literally”.